About Us

Have you a kinship story to share?

A few years after my husband Bob and I became legal guardians to two of my step-son's children, I started this web site as a way to communicate and learn about other kinship families.

In the years since, my two grandsons provided a great deal of love, joy and hardship in lour lives, but we were committed to them. They are now teenagers, my husband is deceased and my daughter is my co-guardian.

Our lives have changed. I am concentrating on being Granny and devoting my time to my writing career. If you'd like to see what that entails, please visit my writing site.

I am now taking down this site, but leaving this page up as a goodbye to fellow kinship providers. The links on the crayons no longer work.

I wish you well. You have my utmost empathy, sympathy, congratulations and well wishes.

I am Bonnie Hamre. My husband Bob and I share legal custody of my step-son's children. Though they are no blood relation to me, that couldn't matter less. I love them fiercely, devotedly, and I will be here for them as long as they need me.

To find out more about kinship parenting, me, or what's at this site, please select a crayon on your left. Our personal lives changed in July, 1995. In response to family concerns, we went to Arizona, studied the situation, and made a decision. Rather than allow our two grandsons to be placed into "the system," we decided to give them a home until their parents could get their lives together.

We thought we could do a six month stretch, no more than a temporary change in our plans. At this stage in our lives, both retired from high-tech, high-stress careers in Silicon Valley, we were ready for the "golden years." We planned to have a family Christmas, send the boys back with their parents and get on with our lives.

Instead, as six months came and went and the boys' parents dropped out of sight, we began to get extremely worried. We'd all signed an informal agreement which gave us no formal or legal authority for the children. We'd come to love these little guys, whom we'd never even met before that July weekend, with all our hearts. We couldn't bear to see anything more happen to them. Yet....

What if they got seriously ill? What if... what if... what if...

We sought legal advice and petitioned for custody of the little guys, and in March of 1996, Bob and I became the legal guardians of Christopher, then 4, and Cody, then almost 3.

The court ordered the childrens' parents, my step-son Chris and his girl-friend Candy, to enter and graduate from a drug rehabiliation program, find gainful employment, maintain a steady income and create a suitable lifestyle in order to reclaim their sons.

To date, that hasn't happened. I don't want to go into the animosities, the broken promises, the unmet expectations, the hositilities of our personal history. You've probably been there, too.

What I do want to talk about is the needs of grandparents, the needs of anyone who kinship parents. Kinship parenting isn't restricted to grandparents raising their children's children, although we are the most common form of such parenting.

Any family member can provide kin care. Older siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, step-family members of all kinds can do it. All it takes is a trememdous commitment of time, energy, emotion, finances, and a willingness to put your own life on the back burner for an unspecified period until you can establish some sort of comfortable, safe routine for the children.

It is not easy.
You know that.
We found that out. That's why we sought professional guidance and support. Certain behavioral problems led me to suspect abuse, and a certified therapist/couselor confirmed it. Both boys have been in therapy for more than a year. We've been through the emotional wringer with these two little guys. They've regressed, progressed, regressed again, and are now dealing with the supremely difficult issue of abandonment and betrayal.
We're fortunate that we have a local Kinship Parenting support group nearby. We meet weekly, and the group has been both a lifesaver and a source of valuable information. Without them, I don't know that I'd be able to handle some of the problems we face on a daily basis.
It's hard enough for an older child or an adult to deal with these issues. It's heart-rendingingly difficult for a small child. Every day is a struggle. The violent tantrums, the agressive beahvior, the sheer noise!
It's hard, and sometimes I resent the need to do this, but when I think of the alternative, there is no choice.
We are luckier than some families. We have three other adult children who help to varying degrees. Our adult sons provide additonal male role models for the little guys, and our daughter, Marta, has become their "mother" in every way that matters. She's made a total commitment to Christopher and Cody and in turn, they depend on her for every maternal need. You can see a photo of the three of them in the Picture Gallery.
We don't know what the future will bring. Our daughter would like to adopt Christopher and Cody, but at this point, we don't know if that's possible. We live day to day, needing help and encouragement and support. We hope for a happy ending for us all.
As for me, it would be nice to be Granny again -- just Granny.

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