CHAPTER SIX

      "Drop it, please, Mom. There's nothing for you to get upset about."
      But later, with the lights off and the soft sound of her mother's breathing coming from the bedroom, Joey lay sleepless. She knew why she had changed her outlook and her life so drastically after Tom's death. She'd talked it over with her counselor often enough, heavens knew.
      Though she'd told no other living soul, there were times when Tom's know-it-all attitude had chafed. She'd developed her own way of getting him to change his mind, but she hated the pretense, the conniving. Why couldn't she have just said straight out that she didn't want to do what he wanted? They were both intelligent adults. Surely they could have worked out a compromise. The depth of her anger had astounded her. Discussing it with her therapist had helped her see why she had given in so often. Her acceptance had come from her years under her father's loving and always tender, but protective thumb. No wonder she'd wanted to rebel as a teenager.
      Understanding now didn't help the bitterness that both her father and her husband had ignored so many of her own dreams in favor of helping Tom achieve his. They'd made her feel guilty then, telling her it was her place to see her husband do well. That once he'd established himself there'd be time for her. She'd never guessed that her time would come after Tom's death.
      The taste of regret filled her as she thought about the things she'd left undone. Travel abroad put aside in favor of one more contract. Plans with the children canceled when an employee called in sick and Tom took his place. At the time, she'd agreed with him, but now she saw the damage they'd done to their children. Well, perhaps not Greg so much, because by the time he was old enough to enjoy school sports, Tom had been successful enough to make time for him.
      She halted the flow of memories. That time was done with. As much as she'd loved Tom and believed in their future together, she should have been stronger, more forceful in demanding family time. Time for her.
      Now, she had all the time in the world to explore the things she'd dreamed about, to become her own person, to be accountable for herself.
      Yet...could there be any truth to Marie's accusations? Was she in some unconscious manner looking for someone new to love? She chewed on her lip while she thought about it. No.
      She wasn't looking. She couldn't deny that if in time a new love came her way, she wouldn't fight it, but she wasn't actively looking. She couldn't describe how she knew it, but somehow she knew that what she'd shared with Tom, she'd share with no other man. Despite their arguments and her unmet needs, he'd loved her. And she loved him. How, then, could she explain Cole? She ran her fingertip over the big diamond on her left hand. Then, slowly, she drew the ring from her finger and kissed it. Making no noise, she got out of bed and pulled her jewelry case from her suitcase. In the darkness, the ring caught the barest glimmer of light as she put it away.

      The next afternoon, Joey peered out the window of the small plane at Cole's ranch house growing smaller as Cole gained altitude and swung south by southwest. "I can't believe you managed to talk me into this."
      Grinning, Cole lifted one hand from the controls to brush her cheek. "Easy. You know you wanted to do it. Why resist? We'll catch the early show, have dinner and be back before you know it."
      Joey shook her head. "Mom's going to have a fit when she gets my message. She'll think I'm sixteen again, running off like this."
      "Is that what you did?"
      "Yes," she half-laughed. "Tom and I ran away to Mexico. I'm not sure the marriage was even legal, my being underage and all, When we got back, our folks had hysterics. Then..." she drawled, prolonging the suspense.
      "Then what?" he asked right on cue.
      "They insisted we get married properly. Champagne reception and all, only I didn't get to drink any."
      Cole laughed. "Were you pregnant?"
      She shot him a reproving look. "Underage."
      Cole grinned. "Hey, it happens. Sally was three months along when we got hitched."
      "I got pregnant on our wedding night," she admitted, astounded by how easy it was to talk to Cole. To tell him private, intimate things. "The second wedding night."
      "Bunch of hot-headed kids, all of us." He smiled as he said it, making her smile, too.
      Until she recalled Marie's critical comments and stiffened. Then she made herself relax. Even though Marie had pushed some of her hot-buttons, she was an adult, and she made her own decisions. Firmly pushing Marie's objections out of her mind, Joey gestured at the cockpit of the plane. "I feel like a kid again, flying off like this."
      "Relax and enjoy yourself. I'm going to."
      She pulled the soft fabric of her hot-pink jumpsuit away from her middle. "I'm not dressed for Las Vegas."
      He chuckled. "You'll fit right in. They all dress crazy down there."
      She shook her head at him, making her pink quartz earrings jangle. "Hah. To do that, I'd need feathers and a skimpy costume."
      "You're thinking of the showgirls," he countered, enjoying the image of her strutting for him in typical stage style.
      "Right." She gave him a fishy look, as though she'd read his mind. "How many shows have you seen?"
      "Not that many. It's not really my thing."
      "What is? I mean, what do you do for fun?"
      He ran his tongue over his teeth. "I like to hunt. Fish, that sort of thing."
      She made a little noise in her throat. It wasn't overt disapproval, but damn close. He searched for something she would like, too. "Sometimes I take a couple days, go back into the hills and recharge the batteries."
      "That sounds nice. We used to do that too, only by the time my folks had the RV packed, the only thing they'd left behind was their back yard."
      "Mnph. I've seen campers like that. Have every appliance they can cram into their units, and a generator going half the night. What kind of peace do they expect to find when they scare it away with all that noise?"
      "Not exactly getting away from it all?"
      She was getting too good at reading his thoughts. "Nope. When I go out, it's just me and nature."
      "Maybe other people aren't as comfortable being alone with their own thoughts," she offered.
      He examined the dials and trimmed their airspeed. "Maybe not." He'd spent a lot of time alone trying to figure out what had happened with Sally. Trying to get a handle on his grief. His anger. He knew all about uncomfortable thoughts. They were better left shut away.
      "Do you do much of this?"
      "What?"
      She gestured around them. "This. Taking off at a moment's notice, just because."
      "Nope. Never seems to be enough time."
      "Why now, then? I thought you said you were shorthanded, with your son laid up. How can you afford to take the afternoon off?"
      He glanced at her. "Because you make it special. Fun."
      Joey sat silent, stunned by his simple words, by the complex feelings behind them. She had to be careful. Cole attracted her too much. If she didn't pay attention, she'd wind up over her head. Her mother was right, she decided. It would be too easy to fall for Cole. She sighed. She probably shouldn't have accepted his invitation, his dare, actually, but it had seemed so harmless. What could it hurt, she'd asked herself, if she took a few hours and got away from the hospital?
      He'd convinced her to take a break saying she'd come back refreshed and ready to face the next part of her father's recovery. She'd accepted that, thinking only of her exhaustion and the seemingly endless routine of hospital visits. But now, she realized she should have taken a closer look at her motives. She should have realized the potential danger in spending too much time with Cole.
      "You're not wearing your ring," he said, his voice low and gruff again.
      Joey glanced down at her left hand, as if to confirm that her finger was bare. "That's right."
      "You wore it last night."
      She tucked her hand under her thigh, hiding it from sight.
      "Why did you do that?"
      Shrugging, she glanced out the window. "I don't know." But she did know. She didn't want to feel like she was cheating on Tom when she was with Cole. "It seemed right."
      "I'm glad you took it off," he said after a while. "It makes me feel better. Like I'm not poaching on another man's wife."
      "I'm not married," she reminded him. And herself, even as she ignored the deeper meaning behind his words. His reasoning sounded too much like hers.
      "I know how hard it is to let go."
      She didn't need him to tell her he spoke of his wife's death. "How did you manage?"
      After a pause, Cole began to speak, the words coming slow and hard. "When Sally was alive, we were young marrieds. At first, I spent some time on the rodeo circuit, earning just enough to keep on with it. It was okay for the two of us, following the circuit, stacking up the wins." Deliberately, he downplayed his success. It didn't seem to matter all that much anymore, but at the time, he'd wanted that big belt buckle with everything he had in him. "But when Sam was born, everything changed."
      "It couldn't have been easy, being on the road with a baby."
      He nodded. "We came home. My dad was working the place then, but he'd run into some trouble. I put what I had into the ranch, but it needed every penny we had and more besides. We almost lost it, but somehow we pulled through."
      She tilted her head as she studied him. "So you gave up your dream."
      "No," he said fiercely, a little too fiercely. "I knew one day I'd go back to ranching. it was just a little earlier than I'd planned."
      There was something he wasn't telling her. She knew it. His defensive attitude told her more than his words. He could tell himself it was what he'd planned, but she knew he had to have resented giving up rodeoing when he was so close to making a name for himself. "Evidently you and your father managed to save the ranch."
      "Yeah, but he didn't see that. He died."
      "I'm sorry. How did it happen?"
      "An accident. His horse got spooked and threw him. Shouldn't have happened to an experienced rider, but it did."
      "So you had to run the ranch by yourself?"
      "It was easier by then. By the time things got better, Sally wasn't there to enjoy them." He blew out a breath. "I guess I fell into a rut. You know, raising Sam, the ranch, the business. I missed Sally, but I didn't have time to mourn her."
      "And now?" Joey probed gently.
      He shot her a telling look. "Now? Now, things are different."
      "Now you have time to grieve for Sally?"
      "Once in a while," he admitted. "Not like I used to, though. What I feel more often now is regret that she didn't get a chance at the good things, too."
      "Good things?"
      "The ranch is doing fine. Oh, we still have a bad year every now and again, but we're pretty solid. I wish she'd had a chance to see Sam grow up. He's my right hand man, my foreman, and maybe one day soon Betty will make me a grandpa."
      Her smile curved softly. "You'll like that."
      "Yup. I guess I always regretted that we only had Sam. More kids would have been nice. But I'm grateful for what we did have."
      She bent her head, thinking about the things Sam had told her. She felt sorrow that his Sally had missed so much and wondered whether she'd be able to speak as calmly of Tom as he did of Sally and Sam. "I'm very lucky to have my two."
      "What was your husband's name?"
      "Tom."
      He nodded, as though acknowledging an introduction. "Do you think he'd mind your being here with me?"
      Startled, she laughed. "What a question!"
      "Well?"
      "Of course, he'd mind. Wouldn't Sally?"
      "Nah. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I was happy."
      Happy? Was that what she felt with Cole? Was that what drew her to him when she knew she was asking for trouble, for more pain when she left Dillon to go back to California? "Are you happy, Cole?"
      He studied the gauges in front of him as though he'd never seen them before. The muscles in his jaw worked. Evidently he didn't mind asking questions. Answering them was another matter.
      "What about your kids? Don't they mind your being up here?"
      She sighed. "I don't think they know I'm up in your plane, Cole."
      He grinned. "In Montana."
      "No. I talked to them early this morning. Ellen's doing fine, keeping her job and Greg in line. He's into surfing more than anything else."
      "How old did you say he is?"
      "Seventeen."
      "Figures." He cast her a considering look. "Didn't you say your daughter is twenty-one? The boy's seventeen?"
      Joey blushed. "Greg is an unexpected bonus from a camping trip."
      Despite his laugh, dark feelings ate at him. What would it be like to be camping with Joey, tucked up snug in a sleeping bag? They'd waken to the dawn together. Somehow, he knew she'd prefer his way of camping. Just him, a few necessities and nature. The thought of the daily routine of waking early, if he did it with Joey, awakened in him a hunger to see all the colors of the sunrise again. With her.
      Blinking at the realization, Cole acknowledged that for years he'd been seeing things in shades of gray. She made him see all the vivid colors he'd forgotten. The thought made his insides soften. What would she say if she knew that her snazzy haircut and colorful clothes brought warmth and razzle-dazzle back into his life? He smiled.
      "What's so funny?'
      His smile grew and took over his face. "I was remembering something I had as a kid. A present from an aunt when I had the measles and couldn't go out."
      "What?"
      "It wasn't much. A kaleidoscope. I used to hold it and turn it for hours. All those colors. All those shapes. It fascinated me."
      "Oh, I had one. I know what you mean..."
      "Do you?" he asked with a lift of one dark eyebrow. "You remind me of that kaleidoscope, Joey."
      Speechless, she only looked at him.
      "You've brought color back into my life. That's pretty special."
      She was quiet for a moment while she grasped his meaning. At last she said, her voice soft and a little breathless, "I don't think any one has ever said anything nicer to me. Thank you."
      "I meant it," he answered gruffly.
      They fell silent. Joey basked in the compliment he'd paid her and stared for a long time at the landscape unrolling beneath them. Who would have thought she'd be here, like this, in the company of a man she'd known less than a week, yet feel so animated with him, so eager to be alive?
      For his part, Cole alternated between watching her and the dials and controls. It felt right, being here with her. What was he going to do when she returned to California? The thought gnawed at his insides.
      She was becoming too important to him.

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Chapter Seven -- posted December 7, 1997

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Last updated: January 4, 1998