"In love?" He turned away from her to stare out the window again. "We agreed we weren't going to get sucked into that."
"Maybe it's not something you can command at will," she suggested, her voice full of hope.
"Put it out of your mind, honey. We've got enough to work out without getting in a lather about all that love stuff. It causes nothing but problems."
She blew out her breath. "I warned you before about making my decisions for me, Cole. I think for myself. I decide what's best for me. And you know what? In this case, I can even decide what's best for us."
He flinched. Good. Let the stubborn man get a little of his own back. She poked him in the chest. "Furthermore, you're not going to give me any argument."
He caught her hand in his. "I'm not?"
"No." Her voice softened. "I liked being in love. I liked being loved. I want it again. With you."
"Don't look to me, Joey. I warned you going in, right up front, that I'll do everything to make you happy, but you can forget about love."
"I don't know that I can live without it."
He stiffened. "Why don't we call it quits, then?"
"I don't want a divorce."
"C'mon, Joey. You know it's for the best."
"No. I don't know that." Biting her lower lip, she studied him. His lean rangy form had at first glance looked relaxed, but she saw now the tension in his body, how he held himself stiffly, as though preparing for a body blow. The muscles in his jaw moved as he gritted his teeth. In his Montana clothes, jeans and scuffed boots and faded chambray shirt, he looked just what he was-—a man of the earth, at one with his world. A cowboy. Her cowboy.
She knew now wasn't the time to confess her love for him, so she used the terms she knew he'd understand––and accept. "I've invested time and hard work into you, Cole Lassiter, and I want to see it pay off."
He flicked a glance her, saw the hot flame in her sea-green eyes and then couldn't look away. Holding her gaze, he felt his heartstrings loosen. "Pay off?"
"You convinced me to give us a chance once before, cowboy. What's it gonna take to convince you now?"
"You serious about this?" he asked slowly, unable to believe that after everything he'd put her through, she wouldn't leap at the chance to run for the nearest lawyer. Would she really stay with him? God, could a man get so lucky? His insides felt hollow, aching to be filled with her. "Are you sure you don't want a divorce?"
She hesitated. He waited, afraid she'd change her mind now that he asked her point blank. He stood as patiently as he could under her gaze as she studied him up and down. Dared he hope that look was possessive? When she opened her mouth to speak, he held his breath.
"No."
Her decisive tone warmed him. "Not like this. If we break up, it will be because of you and me. Not our kids. Not our pasts."
He waited until he could speak past the lump in his throat. "Fair enough. It's just between us."
"Yes." Her voice, so sure up to now, turned tremulous. "What do we do now?"
"Come here." He opened his arms and she tumbled into them. He hauled her in close, feeling her tremors, breathing in the scent of freshly washed hair and natural woman. Tightening his arms around her, he bent down to kiss her. When he could make himself release her mouth, he said, "You had your chance, Joey. I gave it to you fair and square. I'm holding you to it now."
"Just like I'm holding you to it."
"You won't have any more problems from me."
She sniffed.
"Are you all right?" he asked.
Her laugh was a little shaky, but her words reassured him. And made him feel like an absolute jerk. "I am now." She leaned back a little in his arms to peer up at him. "You scared me."
Damn. He was afraid himself. Now that he should be feeling pretty damn good, all he felt was fear. She'd just given him the world, and he was afraid to reach out for it. Despite the pact they'd just made, he feared he didn't have any rights at all where she was concerned. Scared spitless he wouldn't be able to make her happy and she'd never get over her dead husband. "I know. Me, too."
Her brow furrowed. "What's going on here, Cole? Why bring up divorce now?"
He let go of her and picked up his coffee cup. He drained it then took his time refilling the cup while he searched for the words.
They didn't come.
"Cole?"
"Joey, I don't know, okay? I can't explain it." He hated admitting weakness, hated to put his fear of losing her into words.
She remembered what he'd said about feeling out of place in this house. Of course. She could understand that, feeling as she had about the ranch house before she started to make the house hers, too. This was something she could do something about. Right now. "Look, I know you're upset about Tom's things all over the house, but I'll clear them out for you today. When I flew to Montana I had no idea I'd be coming back with you. It won't take me long," she promised, hardening her heart against the pain she knew was coming when she had to handle Tom's possessions. She hadn't been able to bring herself to let go of the last bit of Tom before this, but for Cole, she could do it.
"Don't bother." He saw her eyes widen at his curt tone and moderated his voice. "I've got to get home, honey. I called the ranch this morning, talked to Sam. He needs me."
"I need you, too."
Damn. He didn't want to do this. "I've got to go, Joey. I need every hand to work the place and I've already taken more time off than I should. We need to go back today, tomorrow at the latest."
"We?" She studied the floor.
He could see her biting her lip, worrying at it in the way that always made him want to offer to do it for her. Waiting for her to answer made him nervous. Were all her words earlier just that-—mere words to keep him in line? He didn't want to think so.
Knowing Joey, direct and impetuous, not an ounce of guile in her, he'd be prepared to bet she wasn't stringing him along, yet what was the problem now? That worried look told him it wasn't easy for her, either. He crossed his arms over his chest, preparing himself for something he wouldn't like.
"I can't go, Cole."
"What the hell?"
"At least, not right away."
"Why not?"
She lifted her hands in a gesture that said he should know why. Damned if he did. Even if she didn't say she wasn't going, period, he didn't want to give her the chance for any second thoughts. "Weren't you the one who just made a big speech about staying together? What's going on, Joey?"
"I have things to do."
"Like what?"
Her eyes narrowed. "Have you forgotten why we're here? My son, Greg?"
"I haven't forgotten. Tell him to pack up and be ready to leave when we do."
She gasped. "Are you serious? I can't do that! He'd take off again and this time who knows what he'd do."
"You're too soft on him."
"And besides," Joey ignored his comment. "I have to decide about the house, and choose what things I want to take back with me to Montana--"
"And a dozen other things to put off doing anything about Greg, right?"
"No! I'll take care of him. My way."
He grunted. If she thought anything less than a kick in the butt would change that self-centered brat, she'd have to learn the hard way. He started to speak but stopped when Ellen, fully dressed for work, came into the kitchen.
He saw Joey reach into herself and come up smiling. "Hi, dear. Did we wake you?"
Ellen cast them both a curious look. "No. I'll grab some breakfast, then get out of your way."
"No problem, dear. Are you hungry, Cole? I'll make breakfast for us all."
"Sorry. I don't have time." Ellen opened the refrigerator and scooped up a container of yogurt. "See you tonight."
She was gone, leaving behind only a hint of floral cologne. Joey looked at Cole. "You really have to leave today?"
He nodded, letting her know that he wasn't happy with her.
"I have to stay."
"How long?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. Til things settle down."
"A week?" he pressed.
She shrugged again, seemingly at ease, but her eyes were filled with pain. He could understand it now, torn as she was between him and her son. He didn't like it, but only a fool continued to beat his head against a stone wall.
"A week," he offered. "No more."
"Why?"
"Because I go crazy when you're not with me," he admitted.
Her smile lit up the morning. "I'll miss you, too."
He wanted to, but he didn't touch her. If he did, they'd spend the day in bed and he'd never get home. "I'd better get moving. Where's the nearest airport?"
Her smile faltered. "I'll call my agent for you. She may not be able to find anything for today."
"Tomorrow, then. No later."
He watched her dial, listened to her words and knew by the look on her face that he could catch a flight today. She put the receiver down and confirmed it. "You leave San Jose in mid-afternoon. The same flight I took that gets you in about midnight."
He nodded and reached for the phone. This time she listened to his conversation, heard him tell Sam to have one of the hands pick him up in Butte. By the time he hung up, he looked better. The circles and lines around his mouth hadn't disappeared, but the light in his eyes told her that he was happy to be going home.
She made herself smile to hide the hurt. "Well, what would you like to do until it's time to go to the airport?"
He hesitated. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. Take her to bed and put his brand on her so that she'd have no doubts she belonged to him, but he didn't say that. He wanted to make a gesture to show her that he could make an effort to see her side of things as much as he expected her to adjust to his life. "How about showing me around? Show me why the beach life is special?"
She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'll get changed then. Would you like breakfast on the wharf?"
"Sure. Why not?"
His casual attitude choked her. Without a word, she turned and headed for her bedroom. Deliberately, she reached for the most colorful outfit she owned. If Cole wanted to see beach life, she'd show it to him. Carefully, she made up her face. By the time Greg woke and shambled down the hall, she looked like her usual self.
"Where you going, Mom?"
"Cole and I are going out to breakfast. Get yourself to school, and no problems, you hear?"
"Yeah, yeah."
"I mean it, Greg. You're in trouble enough without pushing it."
"I said okay," he said sullenly.
"Right."
"What about him?"
S
he swallowed. "Cole's going back today..."
Her voice died away at the look on Greg's face. His whole attitude changed, right before her eyes, as he seemed to stand taller, his shoulders broadening and his face opening up into a broad grin.
"Yeah?"
"It's not what you think, Greggie. We'll be going back in a week or so."
His face fell. "Count me out."
"We'll talk about this later. Cole's waiting for me now. You be home for dinner, hear?"
"Whatever."
A short while later, Cole gave his menu back to the waitress and looked out the wide expanse of windows at the sunlight splashing across the waves of Monterey Bay. The silence between them lengthened as Joey watched him track a pelican swoop down and catch breakfast. His attention caught by a number of seagulls squabbling over some bait left behind by an early morning fisherman, he watched them for a moment before letting his gaze rove down the wharf. "Lots of activity for October. I didn't realize it'd be this hot."
Joey nodded, warmed by his interest. "Fall and spring are the nicest beach months. We've even had picnics on the beach at Christmas."
"We'll be getting snow any day now. You prepared for that?"
"I'll have to get some warm clothes," she temporized.
"I didn't meant that. Can you give all this up?"
He certainly cut right to the heart of the matter, wanting answers to questions she hadn't even thought of yet. "I don't know."
The arrival of their breakfast interrupted his response. Grateful for a few moments to sort out her thoughts, Joey watched Cole tuck into his bacon and eggs. She toyed with her vegetarian omelet until he noticed she wasn't eating.
"Aren't you hungry?"
"Not very."
Cole ate the last of his toast and washed it down with coffee. "That'll do me until I get home."
The reminder ate at her. "I wish you didn't have to leave."
"Me, too. honey. But ranching is a twenty-four hour a day job. You should know that by now."
"Are you blaming me for all the time you've taken off?" She heard her voice tighten at the implied criticism.
His eyes narrowed at her tone. "Blame?"
"I didn't make you come to the hospital, you know." She leaned across the table to make her point. "I didn't force you to drive Poppa's RV here. You could have stayed at hom-—I mean in Dillon."
"What brought this on?"
His question took her aback. She listened to what she'd said, as if the words still hung in the air. Lifting her hands in a gesture of confusion, she admitted, "I don't feel good about this."
"Come with me, then."
"You know I have to be here." She looked out over the water, then down at the waves hitting against the beach. Santa Cruz was home. It hurt to think about leaving. Her memories were here. "Do you think I should sell the house?"
He considered that. Much as he hated to have her keep anything from her past, it wasn't his decision to make. "You need to talk that over with Ellen and Greg."
"I know," she sighed. "It's the only home they've ever known. Maybe I'll keep it and we can come here for vacations?"
"Maybe." If he was lucky, he'd use his limited time off to introduce her to his world.
"Are you ready? We have time to see more before we go to the airport."
Nodding, he scooped up the check, left bills on the table and followed her back to her car. She spent an hour driving around Santa Cruz, up through the university campus high above the town, where they stopped to see the panoramic view before them. Ocean met sky far out to sea. The blues were nothing like the famed Montana sky. Here they were opalescent, light-filled, turquoise, and aqua and dark navy mingling into one restless palette of color. A man could get used to soaking it up, he admitted deep within himself.
Reluctantly, he climbed back into Joey's little car, then forgot the sea as they climbed higher into redwood country. Joey slowed as the road curved and dipped past groves of redwood, the tree tops brushing the sky.
"Of course, this is second growth, what grew after the loggers denuded the mountains at the turn of the century. These are big, but can you imagine the giants that grew here before?"
The awe in her voice matched his. He couldn't believe she'd be willing to give this up for Montana. What if she changed her mind?
She glanced at her watch. "We'd better get back." But once she had the car going again, she drove to the top of the mountain before swooping down a twisting road to find the sea again.
Despite his yearning to be back home again-—where he belonged, a little voice in his head reminded him--he felt the pull of the Pacific. In that moment, it was a little easier to understand how Greg would drop everything to catch the perfect wave. Or why Joey loved it so much.
She pulled into her driveway at last. "Just enough time to get your things before we head over the hill."
His eyebrow shot up at her terminology, but once they were on the highway leading up out of Santa Cruz and down into Santa Clara county, he understood. Her car took the road like a champ, even though once or twice he held his breath or hissed it out in relief at the dizzying curves.
At the summit, he craned his neck back for a last look at Monterey Bay, blue and glistening beyond the green tips of the redwoods. The road down was more of the same, sharp curves taken at highway speed, the traffic around them surging to meet the smoggy valley floor. He looked at everything, restraining himself from comparing it to home, but he ached with a need to breathe clean air and feel wide open spaces around him. He ached to be home in Montana.
In silence, she took the freeway exit for the airport. He turned to her in time to see her biting her lip.
"You can just drop me. No need to park."
She shook her head. "I'll come in."
Damn. it was going to be hard enough to get out of the car, knowing he had to leave her behind. Why prolong it? "I'd rather you didn't."
Hurt by his refusal, Joey bit her lip and flipped the right turn signal on. Instead of heading for short term parking, she headed for the departure lane. She pulled up and waited while he pulled his bag out of the back seat. She rolled the window down.
"Call me when you get home."
"Sure. Take it easy driving back over that crazy road."
"Okay." They fell silent, just looking at each other. At last he bent to kiss her. "I'll expect you in a week. Let me know your flight and I'll meet you in Butte."
"Yup," she answered, trying for levity and failing. His mouth was hard and possessive on hers, but it didn't stay long. Before she knew it, he backed off and with a wave, headed inside the terminal.
"Damn," she muttered, feeling cast off and lonely. "Damn that man. How can he make me feel this way and just walk off?"
The drive back over the hill seemed twice as long and lonely without Cole. When she got home, the house seemed too quiet, even though Cole had been there less than twenty-four hours. She wandered through the empty rooms, wondering how it could happen that even in his short stay, Cole had managed to put his stamp on the house. Somehow in the time he'd been here, he'd managed to make Tom's presence fade away.
When she stood at the kitchen window staring out as Cole had done earlier, she felt his presence most keenly. What had he thought while he'd looked into her serenity garden? Had he felt the same sadness she felt now?
She fixed dinner for Greg and Ellen. Greg was jovial, carrying on as though everything was back to pre-Montana days, as though Cole wasn't a part of their lives. He cracked jokes and talked about surfing, not even noticing that Joey responded automatically.
At last something he said sank in. Curiously, Joey looked at her son. "Where did you get the idea that we won't be seeing Cole again?"
"Well, he left, didn't he?"
"Only because running the ranch is a full time job. He couldn't take any more time away from it."
Greg's face fell.
Joey continued, firmly but gently. "We're here just as long as it takes to decide what to do about the house. Then we'll pack up and leave."
"Not me!"
"Yes," Joey stated. "You, too."
The phone ringing interrupted Greg's response. Joey got up. "That must be Cole. He said he'd call tonight."
She answered the phone, listened, and with spirits falling, handed the receiver over to Greg. "It's for you. Don't hog the phone. Cole will be calling any time, now."
Bounding up from the table, he took the phone and stretching the cord, disappeared into the family room to talk. Joey knew there'd be no more talking to him tonight. When Ellen offered to do the dishes, Joey escaped to her room to wait for Cole's call.
The house grew quiet after Ellen and Greg went to bed. She waited for Cole long past the hour she knew he'd have gotten back to the ranch. With each passing hour, she grew more morose.
Why didn't he call? Had something happened to him?
Ready for the next chapter?
Chapter Twenty-Six -- posted August 1, 1998
Last updated: August 1, 1998