Several days later, Joey signed the agreement that would give her parents temporary custody of Greg for the remainder of his seventeenth year. She'd opened a joint bank account with her mother and father and had deposited funds to take care of all Greg's expenses, and emergencies besides. She'd spoken to his teachers, the counselor at school and hammered out an agreement they could all live with.
      "That's it." She put the pen down and stretched her fingers. "I feel like I've signed over my kid."
      Her father patted her hand. "You did the right thing, Joey. We'll take good care of him." Last minute worries caught at her. "You're sure it won't be too much for you and Mom?"
      "It'll keep us young. Give your mother something to do besides fussing over me."
      "You're all right, aren't you, Poppa?"
      "Never felt better, Joey. Don't you worry about a thing. The doctor gave me a clean bill of health. Greg and I are already talking about the things we'll do together."
      "Don't let him run you ragged."
      Frank smiled. "I'll tell you a secret. We're looking forward to having him. You can go back to your husband with a clear conscience."
      She hugged him. "Thanks, Poppa. I love you."
     
      "Be happy, Joey. That's all we ask." Later that evening, on the phone with Cole, Joey went over the terms of the agreement. "Greg will live with my parents and finish high school here. He and Ellen will spend Thanksgiving here but they will both spend Christmas with us in Montana. Easter is up for grabs. Greg will be with us all summer for sure. We'll go to his graduation and bring him back with us, okay?"
      "Sure honey. What did you do about college?"
      "Greg's decided on UCSC, just like his Dad. If he can bring his grades up, that is, after all the school he missed by playing hooky. If he can get in, he'll major in marine biology. That way he can stay close to the water."
      "Sounds good. How's Ellen in all this?"
      Joey blew out a long breath. "Well, she may stay in the house. She's thinking of applying for a job closer to home, with one of the high-tech companies in the area, and if she gets it, she'd be better off to stay here. Rent free in exchange for keeping the place up."
      "Looks like you've got everything under control."
      "I think so. Ah, Cole, you were right."
      "About what?"
      "When you said I was spoiling Greg, not letting him grow up." She hesitated, wondering if she could put into words the things she'd discovered about herself. "After Tom died, I kinda freaked out. I was mad at him for dying the way he did, because he didn't take care of his health. Eat right, you know?"
      Cole murmured a non-committal answer.
      "He loved hamburgers, fries, steaks, all those fatty things. He claimed he got enough exercise at work, but his belly kept getting larger."
      "Is there a point here, honey?"
      She heard the testiness to his voice and almost smiled. She could just see the frown creasing his forehead. "Bear with me, cowboy. When Tom died, I decided that the rest of us weren't going to do that. We'd eat right, exercise, take care of our bodies."
      "That explains the rabbit food."
      "Well, it never hurts anyone to watch what they eat, but I guess I went a little overboard trying to keep my kids safe. I couldn't bear to lose them, too." She could hear his breathing, remembered how safe he made her feel, and continued, "That's why I didn't want to let Greg go."
      "What changed your mind, honey?"
      "Oh, I haven't changed my mind. Part of me still wants to keep my kids close by so I can keep them safe, but they have to grow up. Learn to keep thesemselves safe. If I did a good job with Ellen, I can do the same with Greg."
      "I'm proud of you, honey."
      His words seeped into her like warm maple syrup over pancakes. She felt his approval all the way to her bones and for a moment could say nothing. At last, finding her voice, she whispered, "That means a lot to me, Cole."
      "Honey, when are you coming home?"
      "You miss me, cowboy?"
      "Damn right. How'd my bed get so much bigger and lonelier without you here?"
      Joey held her breath. She'd hoped he'd say something tender, emotional, some sweet thing she could hold on to and hope that he was one day closer to admitting he loved her. Instead he'd reminded her that their relationship was based on their physical needs.
      Now that she was away from him, and the blatant desire he aroused in her, she realized all over again that sex alone would never be enough. No matter how good, how passionate, sex alone wouldn't cut it.
      "Joey? Didn't you hear me?"
      "I heard you, Cole."
      He sounded puzzled by the abrupt change in her voice as he continued, "Do you miss me?"
      She spoke the truth. "More than you know."
      His voice relieved, he spoke of the day's happenings on the Bar-L. "Sam's getting along pretty good with his crutches now. Any better and he can chase the physical therapist off the ranch."
      Joey chuckled as required but her heart felt leaden. "That's good. I bet he's looking forward to getting back to work."
      "No more than I am to having you home again."
      "Uh, Cole, there's something I want to talk to you about."
      "Yeah?"
      "I've been winding up everything here, getting ready to move there, but something's been bothering me. I've thought about it a lot, and it still worries me."
      "What's that, honey? I thought we had everything under control."
      "Not quite." She took a deep breath. "I'd rather tell you face to face, but maybe it's better this way."
      His voice deepened. "Sounds serious."
      "It is. I love you, Cole."
      Joey waited for his response. She heard the quick intake of breath, then listened to the sound of his breathing. "Say something."
      "Beats the hell out of me what I should say. What do you want me to say?"
      She heard the defensive note to his voice and sighed. "Whatever you want to."
      "Why'd you bring this up now?" "Because," she took another deep breath for courage. "Because I'm not coming back to Montana until you tell me you love me."
      "I love you," he said promptly.
      "And mean it." "Honey, that's blackmail."
      "Yup."
      "You're serious about this, aren't you?"
      "Yes."
      "You aren't coming back until I tell you I love you?"
      "And mean it."
      She could hear him swallow. "You're in for a long wait."
      "So be it."
      "If that's the way you want it..."
      His voice echoed in her ears long after he'd hung up and the phone lay limply in her hand. She'd gambled and lost. So be it, she'd said, and now she had to live with the results. When was she going to learn to curb her impulsive, act-before-you-think nature?
      Sweet heavens, she'd done it now. She'd fallen in love with her husband, and even though she was almost positive he loved her too, he hadn't admitted it. To give him his due, maybe he hadn't realized it, maybe he called his feelings for her by another name, but neither of them could deny he did feel something for her. What, he wouldn't or couldn't say, but she hoped it was love. She prayed it was love. She'd gambled that it was love.
      How reckless she'd been, daring everything on the chance that she could force him to face his feelings and admit he loved her. She was sure his inability to do that was connected to his feelings for Sally. Even though he'd denied it, she'd seen enough of similar behavior in her grief therapy to know that denial festered if not openly faced.
      No wonder he'd never been able to accept another woman in his life. If he couldn't come to grips with what he saw as Sally's desertion, how could he ever learn to trust another woman enough to love her? If he couldn't do that, there was no hope for her. For them.
      Biting back tears of loss, she tried to think of what she should do now. First, replace the buzzing receiver in her hand. She did that.
      Next? Numbly, she sat on the edge of her bed and tried to clear her mind. There had to be something she had to do. Oh, yes. Pulling her legs up on the bed, she curled up into a fetal position and cried herself to sleep.

      One day followed another as it always did. There was always something more that needed doing. The work involved in keeping the Bar-L going never stopped. Cole was glad of that. From sunup to sundown, he worked himself hard. If he could lose himself in the sweaty physical labor involved in a cattle ranch, if he could keep himself from thinking of Joey, he counted himself lucky.
      Damn. He'd gotten used to having her around. Her vibrant colorful personality, her passionate, whole-hearted giving of herself, her temper and yes, even her independent way of doing what she wanted, all these things had left their mark on his house and on him. The last he grudgingly admitted. And resented. How could he miss her this much when all in all, he'd only known her about a month? For that matter, how had she managed to get under his skin so deeply in that short time? He'd known her in most of her moods, but he'd never seen her cruel. How she could she stoop to playing this low down trick on him?
     
      He'd been straight with her from the beginning, telling her in no uncertain terms that he wanted her, her body, everything about her. He wanted her in his bed and he wanted her in his life. Wasn't that enough for her? Why did she want to mess everything up with love? Damn the woman. Did she really mean to hold out until he knuckled under?
      Two days later, he acknowledged that she meant just that. She wasn't coming home until he told her he loved it and meant it. Hell. That was emotional blackmail and no way was he, Cole Lassiter, the fourth generation of the Montana Lassiters, going to play the sucker. He'd loved once and lost and wasn't ever going to pay the price again.
      In his bed at night, he tossed and turned in wildly colorful sheets that still faintly held her scent, womanly and sexy. In his dreams he made love to her, then woke and reached for her, hurt all over again when he found the other half of his big bed empty. Damn. He'd gotten used to her being there whenever he needed her, soft and generous with herself, more than he'd ever expected out of life.
      Each morning he woke more tired and irritable than the day before. When Sam or Betty asked him about Joey, he made up some excuse, but they noticed she never called anymore and after exchanging puzzled glances, they mercifully kept their mouths shut.
      Day by day, he grew leaner and more irascible. The ranch hands jumped when he issued an order, carried it out quickly and avoided him as much as possible. Even Red, his Golden Retriever, preferred to spend his time at the bunkhouse or down at the little house with Sam and Betty. Television palled, and he hadn't tried to read since he'd thrown a magazine against the wall with such force that the pages had come loose and scattered. He left them where they lay.
      The house was too big and quiet. The rooms that Joey had worked so hard to infuse some life into again turned dark with disuse. Cole kept to the kitchen and his office, going up the stairs to the bedroom he'd shared with Joey only when he'd exhausted himself enough to sleep. But he rarely did. Night after night, he lay awake, thinking about the things Joey had said.
      One morning, Betty appeared at his office doorway. Poised to flee if he snarled at her one more time, she cleared her throat to get his attention.
      "What is it?"
      "I've been paying bills, Cole."
      "So?"
      "All the credit card charges have come in."
      He spared her a warning look.
      "The charges from Las Vegas are here, Cole, but nothing since then."
      "What are you getting at, Betty?"
      Standing her ground, she waved a sheaf of papers at him. "Here are the bank statements. There are no large cash withdrawals."
      "So?"
      "You haven't added Joey to the bank account, so she hasn't written any checks."
      "If you have a point to make, make it and get out of here. I'm busy."
      She looked at the bare surface of his desk and back up to his face. "Okay. What did Joey use for money for all the redecorating she did? There isn't a single bill for paint or wallpaper, tile for your bathroom, or linens, or anything. If you didn't pay for it, how did she pay for it unless she used her own money. Is that what she did, Cole?"
      Cole reached for the papers. "Let me see those." He riffled through the bills, cursing under his breath as he verified Betty's statements. Hell, what was going on here? He'd seen the receipts stuffed into that basket Joey had placed on their dresser. Without thinking, he lifted the receiver and punched out her number.
      "Joey? What the hell do you mean spending your own money on the house?" he yelled into the phone as soon as she answered.
      Forgotten by Cole, Betty smiled and quietly left his office.
      "Cole? Is that you?"
      "Who else would it be?" he yelled again. "Why did you do it?"
      "Do what?" "How much did you spend on paint and wallpaper and all that other stuff?"
      "I don't know."
      "What do you mean, you don't know? How could you spend all that money and not know?"
      "What's the problem here, Cole? That I spent some of my money on the house or that I don't know to the penny how much I spent?" Challenged by the amusement in Joey's voice, Cole slammed his fist down on his desk. "Don't play any more games with me. You know damned well I want to know how much so I can pay you back!"
      "No."
      Cole didn't believe his ears. No? She said no? His voice dropping to a growl, he spoke slowly and clearly. "Joey, I want to know every last cent you spent on this house. It's Lassiter property and I'll pay for it."
      "I'm a Lassiter, too, remember? I already paid for it."
      "Why are you doing this? Are you getting some kind of twisted fun out of jerking me around?"
      "Is that what I'm doing?" she asked calmly.
      "What the hell else?" "
      I have no idea. Well, if that's all you called to talk about, I have some things to do. Bye now. "
      She hung up? Cole stared disbelievingly at the phone he held in a death grip. Slamming the receiver back into the cradle gave him no satisfaction at all.
      The nerve of that woman. How dare she hang up on him? He swept to his feet and stormed around his office. His gaze fell on the trophies crowding every inch of wall space.
      When Joey wasn't looking, he'd gone up to the attic and brought down as many of the stuffed heads that he could fit in his office. How dared she squirrel away his beloved trophies?
      And then he smiled, forced to remember other things she'd dared do. Take off with him for Vegas, suggest they get married and then take on the challenge and make him happier than he could remember being in a very long time.
      Hell, it wouldn't be so hard, would it? He could call her back and say the words. There were all kinds of love. He wouldn't be lying. Then she'd come back where she belonged.
      Yeah. He could do that. Only, what if she guessed? Women seemed to have some inbred genetic thing about love. They always knew when a guy was handing them a line. Joey would catch on in a minute if he didn't really mean it. Slumping back into his big leather chair, Cole eyed the phone. Should he? * * *
      Joey smiled at the phone. Cole was angry. Good. Let him stew. Maybe if he got mad enough, he'd have to peel away some of the thick-skinned layers that surrounded his heart. Though this wasn't what she'd have chosen to fight about, maybe it would serve the purpose. Whatever it took to get him going, whether it was money, or even their kids.
      Still, she hated to do this to him, to deliberately cause him pain. If she could think of any other way to get him to acknowledge his feelings, she'd do it. She loved him too much not to take the chance. Stubborn cowboy. She hoped that he wasn't going to revert to the cliché of the typical strong, silent cowboy and ruin her plans. They both had too much to lose.
      Well, Kid Joey had a few aces up her sleeve.
      Biting her lip, she turned her answering machine on and left the house. At her parent's home, she fended off questions about her plans and pretended it was only last minute details that kept her from joining Cole. Well, when she thought about it, it was a last minute thing-—did Cole love her enough to fight his demons for her or not? Only Cole could say. * * *
      Cole woke cramped and cold. His muscles protested as he started to get up. Should know better than to fall asleep in a chair, he thought. But even a stiff neck and sore shoulders were an easier price to pay than having to face his empty bed for one more night. Better to sit in his office where Joey hadn't worked any of her redecorating miracles than have to enter any of the rooms where he felt that all he had to do was turn his head and see her coming toward him.
      He stood by his desk and eyed the phone. He started once, twice, to pick up the phone to call her and each time thought better of it. At last, he snatched the phone up and dialed. The phone in Santa Cruz rang twice before the machine clicked on. The sound of Joey's cheery voice promising to call back infuriated him. He dropped the phone without speaking. It was after ten, why wasn't she home? A married woman had no business out gallivanting without her husband.
      Married woman. Damn it, she was his wife! She was Joey Lassiter, and she'd better get used to the idea. No matter what it took, he'd make sure she got the picture.
      He had to go to Bozeman tomorrow morning, but as soon as he got back, he'd settle this for once and for all. * * *
      Joey listened. Was that the doorbell? When she heard nothing more, she went back to contemplating the intricate lines in the sand of her serenity garden which symbolized wind-swept waves. More and more often since her last conversation with Cole two days ago, she'd retreated to the quiet garden to mull over her plan.
      If he didn't call by tonight, she'd call him, she decided. She wasn't cut out for all this. She'd tell him the truth, admit she'd taken a gamble and now that she'd lost, she was willing to do what she could to make up for it. If he'd still have her.
      There! That was the bell. Standing, she smoothed her hands down the sides of her jeans and tucked in the Western-styled cotton blouse. Stepping carefully over the paving stones, she entered her house through the kitchen and went to the front door.
      Peering out the peephole, she saw the middle of a plaid flannel shirt and the edges of a denim jacket. Heart racing, she pulled open the door. "Cole!"
      "All right. I love you. And I mean it."
      "Wha-at?"
      "Can I come in?" Wordless at his terse manner, not at all what she'd hoped for, she stepped back and opened the door wider. "This is a surprise. I didn't expect to see you."
      He made no move to touch her. "Well, here I am, like a pet lap dog. Ready to jump through hoops whenever you say so."
      Her hand went to her throat. "You're mad at me, aren't you?"
      "You could say so. Can we stop playing games now and get on home?" "Would you like some coffee? A beer?"
      "No. How soon can you get packed?"
      "Uh, Cole. I didn't quite see things working out this way." She pointed at the living room. "Could we talk about this?"
      "You didn't say anything about talking in your list of conditions, Joey."
      "Well, this seems awfully cold."
      "Can't help that. You laid down your conditions and I met them. You ready to live up to your part of the bargain?"
      "Not this way, please, Cole. Talk to me."
      "What's there to say?" he asked, but he did sit down, keeping his overnight bag close by, as if to say that at any moment he'd get up and leave.
     
      Hesitating, she chose the seat across from him so she could watch his face. She carefully kept her eyes off the carpet where they'd made love. It seemed so long ago. "How was your flight?" "Fine."
      "How's everything at the ranch?" "Fine."
      "Sam and Betty?" "Fine."
      "How are you?"
      "Not so fine."
      "Ah..."
      "Dammit, Joey, I can't stand this," he said, his brusque manner collapsing as the coldness faded from his eyes. "I'm no good at pretending. Would you get over here?"
      With a glad cry, she went to him. "I was afraid I wouldn't see you again."
      He pulled her into his lap and devoured her mouth in a kiss both hard, punishing and oh so welcome. Joey bore an instant of pain as his lips and tongue flayed hers until with a groan, he gentled the kiss and took her mouth in endless re-exploration. When he had to breathe, he slipped his mouth from hers to scatter kisses down her jaw and throat. "Oh, Joey, I missed you so damn much. I couldn't stand being away from you. Don't ever leave me again."
      "Did you mean it, Cole? You really love me?"
      "Yes, hell, yes. I love you, Joey. It took me a while, but I finally realized that I love you. I was a jerk-—"
      "No!" she said instantly. "Not a jerk. You had some things to work out, that's all."
      "How did you get to be so wise? I've been widowed years longer than you have and I didn't know-—"
      She interrupted him again, this time with a gentle hug. "But I had counseling. Did you?"
      "Nah."
      "I learned about the stages of grief, what to expect, how to handle it. I also learned that I wasn't alone, that I didn't have to do everything by myself."
      "Maybe I should have listened to people at the time," he reflected. "But there was just so much to do. I didn't think it right to take time to learn how to handle what people have done for years."
      "It made all the difference for me." Swallowing, she added, "I didn't love or miss Tom any less, but it helped me get through. I didn't know it at the time, but when I first saw you, standing big and tall like a cowboy out of my dreams, I was ready for you."
      His arms tightened around her. "I love you so much, Joey. I thought I'd never love anyone again. It hurts to love, to take the chance of losing someone again, but honey, I'd rather risk losing you than never having you at all. Please come home with me, honey."
      "Oh, Cole, I know what you mean about being afraid. You were right, you know, when you insisted we give marriage a chance. You knew we had something special between us, and I felt it, too. I was just afraid to admit it, afraid that it wouldn't be like it was with Tom."
      He stiffened. She hurried to reassure him.
      "Don't worry. I wasn't expecting the same kind of marriage. Tom and I had something just between us, just like you had with Sally. I don't expect us to have the same thing. We'll have our own marriage. We'll build our own."
      He groaned and covered her mouth with his, breaking the kiss only enough to whisper, "I love you, Joey. It'll be good between us. I can't promise perfect. I won't promise what I can't deliver, but I'll work hard to make it good. You won't ever have to worry about me loving you, not ever again."
      "I love you. I'll work hard, too. You won't be sorry you said the words, that you had to come after me."
      After a long tender kiss, he said, "I feel I'm making our wedding vows all over again."
      "Me, too. Only this time, I'll remember them," she swore, then broke into soft giggles.
      "No champagne this time."
      He laughed too, remembering with her. When she lifted her face to his, they shared a kiss of commitment.
      One kiss led to another and then to a fevered affirmation of their love. With mouths and tongues and avid, caressing hands, they kissed and pulled at each others clothing, removing only what was absolutely necessary.
      "I missed you so damned much, honey," Cole repeated over and over as he plunged into her. Crying out together at the culmination, they lay silently together.
      She ran her hand over her partially opened blouse.
      "I have to change before the kids get here."
      "In a minute." Rolling over onto his back, he brought her with him to rest against his shoulder. "The last few days haven't been much fun for either of us, have they?"
      She pressed a soft kiss against his chest. "I'm sorry I put us through it."
      "Yeah. Well, maybe I needed a shaking up, but I wouldn't want to go through it again."
      "Nor I."
      "I've got something for you."
      "You do? What?"
      He rolled over to rummage around in the bottom of his bag and came up with a wrapped box. Handing it her with a big smile, he explained, "I saw this in an antique store in Bozeman. It made me remember."
      Deliberately, taking her time, seeing in his face how much he wanted her to accept his gift, Joey carefully peeled off an elaborate mauve bow, then white wrapping paper. Next, she lifted the lid of what looked like a shoe box, and held her breath at the sight of layers of mauve tissue paper.
      "Go on, open it," Cole urged.
      She separated the layers of tissue, and with trembling fingers, lifted a cylindrical, brightly polished brass object from the box. "It's heavy. What is it?"
      As if he couldn't wait an instant longer, Cole took the cylinder from her and held it up to her eye.
      Instinctively she closed the other and looked through the eyepiece. "Oh, Cole, it's a kaleidoscope!" she gasped. "The colors-—they're magnificent."
      While she twirled the kaleidoscope, Cole rumbled next to her ear. "I saw it in that store and I knew I just had to give it to you. It's not much compared to what you've done for me, honey. You brought the colors into my life."
      When she started to speak, he shushed her. "Let me talk, honey. It took this old cowboy a while to understand. I have to tell you, you pissed me off, Joey, when it seemed like you were ready to throw everything away over some over used words. I couldn't understand why you had to insist on my saying them when you had to know that you'd become my heart. Why did you have to have the words, too? And then to hold me off until I said them! You sure know how to stick it to a man-—"
      "Cole," she protested.
      "I'm talking, Mrs. Lassiter. If you have something you want to say, you wait your turn."
      Meekly, she nodded, her eyes alight with love. Cole felt it wash over him, warming him all the way through. He almost lost his train of thought. "Now, I may be stubborn, but I'm not stupid. It didn't take me very long to catch on that nothing was going to be the same without you, so I have to admit I figured I could say the words, even if I didn't mean them, and you'd be satisfied and we could go on from there." Her eyes widened. He rushed on, "But I knew you'd have known right off that I was only making noise. So it came down to a battle of wills. I figured I could wait as long as you."
      Shaking her head, Joey murmured, "Sounds like you were doing a great job of talking yourself out it."
      "Yup. Until Betty offered to help me turn the house back the way it was. She was going to put the trophies back up."
      "What?" Joey exploded. "That sneak! Here she was thanking me on one hand and going behind my back with the other."
      "No, no, honey," Cole laughed. "You got it all wrong. She had me figured out, you see. She must have known all I needed was the right prod. When she offered to make the house all dark and gloomy again, I yelled at her."
      "You didn't!"
      "I did," he confirmed with deep satisfaction. "She knew, you see, even if I wouldn't admit it, that I'm nothing without you. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that she wasn't to lay one finger on your house."
      "My house..." she echoed in an aching whisper.
      "You put your brand on Joey Lassiter's house and on Joey Lassiter's husband. I never want to change that."
      "Oh, Cole, I don't know what to say."
      "Say you love me, Joey. Say you'll come home with me. Say we can start over."
      "Can we?" she asked with belated caution.
      He nudged the kaleidoscope. "You're like the colors in that toy, Joey. Before you came into my life, everything was gray. I existed. Now, I'm like a blind man who can suddenly see, who can enjoy life, who enjoys being alive. And I have you to thank for that. Do you think I'm going to lose you after all that?"
      She held him tightly, hearing his solid loving heart thunk under her ear. "Be warned, cowboy, I'm never going to let you go."
      A grin split his face. "Hey, Kid Joey. You figure you can settle for being the rancher's wife instead of running off the outlaws?"
      It took her a moment to realize he referred to her childhood fantasy. She traced his grin with her fingertip, loving the way his lips softened under her touch. "What we've got is better than any fantasy."
      "Yee ha!" His shout rattled the rafters, became lost in her laughter, then, as their gazes locked, they shared all the colors of their new-found love.

The End

I truly hope you enjoyed Cole and Joey's love story. I hope yours is as wonderful1

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Last updated: August 1, 1998